I couldn't be more pleased to see the end of 2012 just over the horizon (of this weekend). This year has been tough- horrible even. In fact, I'm going to call it the worst year of my life thus far. If I had to pick a theme for it I would say 2012 has been a year of loss. Within this loss I have noticed that I am finding/gaining myself in the process and for that I am glad- I hope the things I have gone through will stick with me and the growth that I have experienced will stay for the future. The most important thing that has resonated with me is that there is nothing more important than self love. You have to be okay with yourself, be your own best friend, relish in your own company etc...
There is no one else that can give you purpose and a reason to be on this earth other than yourself. This year I lost my first boyfriend and first "Love" to suicide. Within the first three months that we started dating we got pregnant, had an abortion and he watched me almost die from bilateral pneumonia. We stayed together for three years before we broke up and I went away for college. He was never happy and had a host of mental problems- deep down, I honestly knew he would commit suicide. I didn't imagine he would succeed so soon and I didn't imagine that I would be so close when he did.
This year has left me feeling more alone than I have ever felt before. Not necessarily a bad thing if you enjoy your own company and have coping mechanisms in place to deal with the bad parts of loneliness but if you don't as I didn't, loneliness can be the worst thing in the world. Without trying to sound too much like an after school program it is the most important thing in the world to be okay with yourself and know that you are enough- just you yourself and that everything and everyone that you allow to fill your life is just extra.
And! You should fill your life with as many fabulous people as you can. People that love you and think you are super are a crucial part of living well.
